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Child
Abuse |
Domestic
Violence |
Elder
Abuse |
Sexual
Assault |
Feeling
Alone |
Getting
Help |
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clear. If you are in danger, please use a safer computer,
call your local hotline, and/or call
the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
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Guidelines for Adults Responding to a
Child's Disclosure
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- Respond with calm attention: the more matter of
fact you can be, the more the child may be willing
to share.
- Assure the child that you believe him or her and
are proud that the child was able to talk with you.
- Be careful not to give the
impression that you are blaming the child. Some questions can unintentionally
sound accusatory, such as "Why did you let him do
that?" or "Why didn't you tell me before?"
- Emphasize that no
matter what the child said or did, the abuse
was not her or his fault, and it should
not have happened to her/him.
- Make sure the child
realizes that when sexual behavior occurs between
an adult and a child, the adult is always responsible for it.
- Consult with medical specialists to determine the
need for examination and/or treatment. Reassure the
child that he or she is going to be physically fine
and need not worry about lasting harm (as long as
this is true).
- Stay close to the child immediately
following the disclosure to provide an
extra sense of security. Reassure the child that
she or he is safe with you.
- Do not try to bury the incident,
or put it behind you or the child immediately. Children
need the opportunity to express their feelings and
to receive help in putting the abuse into perspective.
When adults consciously or unconsciously silence
them, it is usually out of the adults' own need not
to hear or think about the abuse.
- At the same time, try not
to "talk the abuse into going away". Be an active listener, but do not continually
probe for the child's feelings or details about the
abuse. It is important to respect the child's privacy
by not telling a lot of people about the abuse or
discussing it with others in front of the child.
- Allow the child to have positive
as well as negative feelings. Because many perpetrators develop friendships
with children they abuse, the child might have some
good feelings about the abuser. As difficult as it
is to hear a child speaking positively about a perpetrator,
it is important that children not feel guilty.
- Try not to be overprotective. Follow
normal routines with the child. If the child feels
that the disclosure has caused a major disruption
in his or her life, the abuse may take on larger-than-life
proportions. The child may also feel that she or
he is being punished for disclosing the abuse.
- Maintain your normal
expressions of affection with the child. Some adults
tend to withdraw physically because of their own
emotional reactions or for fear they may upset
the child. Take cues from the child about what
feels comfortable.
- Do not ignore other children
during the crisis or
pretend that nothing has happened. All children
need reassurance and simple, honest answers to their
concerns and fears.
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